


In Darkness Remain

by stacy_l



Series: Colopatiron [6]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Assault, Captivity, Dark, Disturbing Themes, Drama, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Neglect, Psychological Torture, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-24 14:34:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4923340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stacy_l/pseuds/stacy_l
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Story written in December 2006.</p>
    </blockquote>





	In Darkness Remain

**Author's Note:**

> Story written in December 2006.

As he entered the room he noticed how dark it was and reached to flick on the light when a soft request pierced the air, “Leave it off…please.”

“Daniel…”

Daniel smiled softly before sighing and saying, “You’re worried about me…”

“Yes.”

“I’m fine, Jack. I just… I need silence, darkness.”

Shivering slightly at that confession Jack wasn’t quite sure how to respond so he settled for, “But… Why, Daniel?”

Silence stretched between them for several moments before Daniel answered, “I was in that prison a long time, Jack. I knew I had to escape on my own to acquire my freedom because all of you believed that I was dead. I fought. I resisted. I attempted escape multiple times but none get far when trapped down there. I was recaptured. After so many attempts the guards, they laughed, snickered and laughed as they secured me to wrist restraints embedded into the floor. They told me to try to escape again, they dared me to, and then they laughed. When they returned to find me still trapped, my wrists bloody and torn from attempting to flee they laughed more. They mocked me and taunted me. I tried. I tried so hard, but there was no way to break away. I even got the crazy notion that if I made my wrists bloody enough I could use that to my advantage. You know blood is slippery, I figured I could slip my hands out, almost succeeded but when they realized what I had been attempting they secured the chains tighter. I was trapped. I knew then why some animals when caught in traps will gnaw their own limbs off to break free…even considered it. Now how insane is that, Jack? How insane is that?”

Shaking his head as he continued he calmly admitted, “I nearly lost it so many times there, Jack. I nearly fell into despair…”

Inhaling sharply Jack managed to softly inquire, “But you didn’t…”

Shaking his head Daniel quietly replied, “No…”

“So what stopped you?”

“You’ll probably think this is crazy, but it was Serqet actually. She was the first and then came Janet and many others…”

“Serqet?”

“Goddess of the underworld, Jack…Egyptian deity… Her duty was to guide the souls, the spirits of the dead and the living…she was a protector of souls…one who most know as the angel of death.”

“Angel?”

“She was beautiful, Jack. She came to me, stopped me from becoming truly lost. After her Janet visited, told me I had a purpose for being there, a reason, told me I’d be visited by several others.”

“And were you…visited I mean?”

“Yes, yes I was. There were several. Each came, each talked to me, tried to tell me I was too precious to lose…” snorting mirthlessly Daniel continued, “what a lie… They told me I would soon be rescued, that all I had to do was wait a little while longer, all I had to do was hang on and not give in…oh, but each time one visited me, Jack, they were interrupted by my tormentors. The guards, they took shifts, never straying far from me, drawing great pleasure from torturing me… I was a challenge to them. They saw me as a challenge. They were pleased with my spirit, my refusal to obey. They saw me as a challenge, and they wanted to break me. Each night I was visited by one, sometimes two and each night they’d spend hours tormenting me, beating me, taunting me with those things I desired…”

Swallowing hard Jack managed, “Which was?”

Lowering his head, Daniel sighed before continuing, “Water, heat, nourishment, comfort, care, concern…touch… I yearned for those things, desperately wanted, needed to be touched, to be comforted, to be cared for… I spent a year away Jack, a year away and in that time I had lost the simple treasure of human touch…”

“A year…? Ascension…”

“Yes… I craved touch, Jack. I yearned for it. When I got it back upon my return, oh I…it felt so good you know. To be touched, caressed, held, comforted…it felt good to be noticed, to be seen, to be solid…to be important to someone and then? Then it was torn from me again, yanked away as quickly as it had been given back and I was left cold and alone again, so cold, so alone, so… I nearly surrendered Jack. I almost let them have it. I almost let them take it away from me. I almost gave it willingly to them…”

“What, Daniel? What?”

“My soul, Jack, they wanted my soul.”

“Who?”

“Demons, fallen angels…they wanted me to join them, to become one of them. They wanted my soul Jack. They wanted to rip it away, tear it away and shred it to pieces. They wanted me to fall, and they spent much time pushing me towards the edge. I nearly fell so many times there, Jack, so many times. I nearly became his.”

“His?”

As if he hadn’t heard Jack at all Daniel continued his eyes growing more haunted his voice softer, quieter, his body beginning to tremble slightly, “I almost gave them what they wanted. I almost surrendered all to them. I almost became Mada’s conquest, Jack. I almost became one of his cursed ones. I was caged among them, kept bound, secured… I was a slave to my chains Jack. I was deliberately secured on the floor on my stomach with no clothing to cover my body. I was deliberately kept cold and naked, dirty, unkempt and unclean. I was forced to live in my own filth. I was kept barely hydrated, barely nourished. I was kept weak, at their mercy. They wanted me to break, Jack and they were willing to do almost anything, ANYTHING, to attain their goal. Oh the beatings were horrid, horrible, so horrible…bones, my bones some were broken, my body was covered in bruises and cuts…massive bruises and cuts and I was left there, abandoned visited only by Mada’s guards, the angels, the demons…and a woman who brought me water and food when she could. I never knew if she was friend or foe, if she was helping me or helping him. I never knew what her true motives were. She would come into my cell, urge me to drink, make me eat a few bits of food, check my body…if I had broken bones she’d mend them using a hand device…not heal them mind you, only mend them…enough that the breaks were healed but the pain still remained. She would press on my bruises, on my cuts but whether that was to feel for heat, induce further pain or check for pus I didn’t know, I never knew. She rarely spoke to me, choosing to do so only when she wanted me to drink or eat. She would sometimes force a nasty concoction down my throat stating it was to help heal me, to keep me strong enough to endure more punishments, more torture, more brutal beatings… I was alone Jack with no allies, no friends, no…no one. I was surrounded by screams, piercing screams…murderous screams, bone-chilling screams…and the begging…so many begged…I could hear them pleading, pleading for their lives, pleading to be spared, pleading with the guards to be pardoned…pleading for food, for drink, for freedom… Late at night the bugs would come out, the bugs, the rats, the creatures of the night… I had to tolerate them scurrying across my legs, scurrying across _my body_ on more than one occasion, Jack…always fearing that they would get a taste of the blood I lay in and refuse to pass me by without first sampling it. Oh Jack that was horrible. I used to kick at them, you know, fight to toss them off of me, attempt to pull away from them but it was useless. Soon, soon I gave up the struggle surrendering to their will…they became my company…rats, Jack…creatures who lived in the same filth as me…they were the only company I had there. It was hell, Jack, pure hell…”

Hesitating no longer Jack hoarsely spoke, “God Daniel…” before drawing him into his arms, holding him tightly, refusing to let him go while rocking him gently. 

Daniel didn’t pull from him as he half expected, instead he allowed Jack to hold him as his body continued to quiver and the coldness continued to fill him, closing his eyes Daniel softly moaned before releasing a breathless, “I’ve waited so long, Jack…so long to be touched, to be held…hmm, so long that I nearly forgot how it felt…”

Keeping his voice tender, quiet Jack reassured, “I’m here for you, Daniel. I’m here for you and I’ll hold you for as long as you need, as long as you need…”

Nodding Daniel allowed a small smile to touch his lips before answering, “I know that, Jack. I know that now.”

As his voice trailed off Jack too closed his eyes tightly, aware of how much his friend had truly suffered during his lengthy captivity and determined to help him in any way that he could.

Silence fell between them for several long minutes before Daniel opened his mouth again, “I’m so cold, Jack, still so cold. I thought the chills would go away when I was set free from that place. I thought I’d feel warmth again but I haven’t, not yet. I’m so cold, so cold… It’s hard, Jack, so hard to warm up. I hate the cold, Jack. I hate it.”

“I know you do.”

“The darkness it soothes me, calms me, though I don’t understand why. I spent so long in darkness that it’s, it’s…comfortable to me, familiar to me. I…I get anxious in the light, nervous and anxious, and that…that scares me Jack, that really scares me. I wonder how much of me, of who I am, still remains in Mada’s possession. How much was lost? How much of my soul remains imprisoned within that dark, cold cell? How many others still remain behind, trapped in darkness, forever to be kept behind locked doors? It’s not fair, Jack. It’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair, Daniel?”

“That I’m free but they’re not.”

“Are you…”

“What?”

“Free Daniel…? Are you really…free?”

“I hope so but honestly…no I don’t believe I am. I still…I… A lot was stolen from me, taken from me in that place. I was stripped to the core, Jack, stripped bare left naked and vulnerable. I had no choice but to willingly allow them to torment me, for I had no escape. I was certain that you, that no one would ever come for me. You thought I was dead. Sam thought I was dead. Teal’c thought I was dead…hell everyone thought I had died on that planet. No one, there was no one left to search for me. No one left to come for me, for who would ever search for one who has been officially declared deceased? I died in front of you, Jack, in front of the whole team…it wasn’t real, but none of you knew that. To your knowledge, and that of everyone at the SGC, I had perished on that world. I had died and that meant there would be no rescue for me, no search forthcoming. I would have to find my own way out and somehow figure out a way to get back. I tried to escape so, so many times but when that avenue was cut from me, when they chained me to the floor and left me there to rot away I knew that was where I’d remain…for the rest of my life. It was a death sentence, Jack, a death sentence and I knew it. I knew it… It was then that I accepted my fate and started to pray for death. It was then that I first lay eyes upon the angel _of_ death…”

“But you got away, Daniel, you got away…”

“Not without a price…”

“A price… Daniel?”

“Jack, do you realize what I went through down there? Do you realize how I suffered, what I suffered?”

“I’d like to think so.”

“And perhaps you do know…or at least have a fair idea but you don’t know everything, Jack. You don’t know everything.”

Knowing he should remain silent and not push, aware that Daniel had already revealed way more than he could ever have imagined, yet wanting to still know more Jack prodded, “Then tell me…”

Silence was his answer, silence and the increase in the quivering of Daniel’s body. He was afraid, afraid to speak of what had happened to him while there, afraid to relive it all again and Jack could understand why. He understood way more than Daniel probably even realized and he was certain that Daniel would say no more. He waited, when Daniel said nothing else he continued to hold him and rock him gently back and forth. The silence stretched between them for what seemed like hours before Daniel again broke it, “I thought I had been forgotten, Jack. I thought I had been abandoned to a fate worse than death, and I was afraid I’d never be able to escape that hell without losing my sanity. I danced on the edge of madness, Jack, got so close to it that I could almost taste it. The darkness nearly drove me mad, yet here I am sitting in it, unable to find calmness without it. Does that mean I’ve fallen, Jack? Does that mean insanity has won the battle after all? I yearned for silence so often, yet here the silence makes me nervous and afraid. When I close my eyes all I see is malevolence, Jack. All I see is despair and emptiness, all I hear is a thousand screams piercing, nerve-wracking, threatening to shatter the thin veil that remains between me and lunacy. When I dream it’s of violence, of rage, of anger…not my own, but of that which was directed towards me. In my mind I see myself laying upon a blood soaked floor, covered in bruises, my knees drawn close to my chest, my body shivering so violently that my teeth chatter in response… I see myself alone, abandoned, forgotten and left for dead… I feel a desperate yearning inside for touch, whether it is painful or tender. I want it. I need it. I crave it, and I long desperately for it. I want to be seen Jack. I want desperately to be noticed, to be heard, to be remembered… I crave any recognition I can get, yet I fear it with every fiber of my being. I no longer trust myself or others for that matter. I don’t know what’s expected of me or what to do with myself. I’m a mess, Jack, and I don’t know how to change that. How do you fix something that’s been so meticulously altered, so damaged, so… How do you fix yourself when you’ve been broken? How do you fix yourself when you’ve been shattered into a thousand tiny pieces? How do you do that, Jack?”

”You haven’t been broken, Daniel. You’re here and you’re alive. You survived and you have lived to tell about it. You’re not broken, Daniel. You’re just…in need of healing and together, together you and I can do that.”

Nodding his head Daniel licked his dry lips before questioning, “So how do we do that, Jack?”

“We do it together. We work through it. We get it all out in the open and we move on.”

“And in order to do that I have to talk about it…don’t I, Jack?”

Nodding only slightly Jack added, “But there are several ways to do that, Daniel.”

“And what if I can’t? What if I can’t open those wounds again? What if I can’t pry the lid off of those horrifying memories, Jack? What if I can’t speak of what happened to me? What if I can’t do what I need to do to, to heal Jack?”

“That’s why we’ll be working together, Daniel.”

“But what if…”

“Do you trust me?”

Silence answered the question and Jack tried again, “Do you trust me, Daniel?”

Again silence answered and stretched before Daniel forced out, “Yes Jack I believe I do.”

“Then there you go. We work together, and we get through this together. We can journey through those memories together and you won’t have to be so afraid of them any more. You won’t have to be afraid to share them with another. Together we can get through this. Together we have to get through this.”

“But what if I can’t, Jack? What if I find that I can’t subject you to my pain and torment, to the anguish those memories stir deep within me? I lived through hell, Jack and you’ll be coming along for the ride…”

“And it’s my choice, Daniel, it’s my choice. We’ll travel this road together. If that’s what’s necessary, then that’s what we’ll do…”

“But what if I find the lure is still there, Jack? What if I find the urge to surrender return? What do we do then?”

“We fight back, Daniel. We fight back.”


End file.
